Chuck Norris FAQs/Jokes

* When Graham Bell first invented telephone he had 2 missed calls from Chuck Norris
* Chuck Norris does not need Twitter. He is already following you.
* Chuck Norris grows weed in Farmville and sells it on Mafia Wars
* When the president pushes the big red button Chuck Norris's cell phone rings
* Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. Chuck Norris was the first
* There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
* If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.
* Chuck Norris doesn't have an ESC key on his computer, no one ever escapes.
* Before his rise to fame, Jaws was Chuck Norris's goldfish.
* Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
* Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
* Chuck Norris buys his Girl Scout cookies from Green Berets
* Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
* Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
* Chuck Norris made Journey stop beleiving
* Chuck Norris doesn't age. He levels up
* Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
* Chuck Norris can understand women.
* People fear 2012 but 2012 fears Chuck Norris
* Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
* Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it
* Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
* Chuck Norris puts phone companies on hold.
* They say that "You can't cheat Death", but Chuck Norris can beat it fairly.
* Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
* When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
* Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
* Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
* Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died
* Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
* Chuck Norris does not need Twitter...he is already following you.
* Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
* Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds.
* The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.
The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
* Chuck Norris can finish Mario Bros without using the jump button.
* Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
* Chuck Norris doesn't jump he stares at gravity and it changes direction.
* Chuck Norris once ran a marathon backwards...just to see what second place looks like.
* Chuck Norris played who will blink first, with a mirror. And he won
* There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
* When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth
* Brett Farve can throw a football 50 yds. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Farve even farther.
* Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
* Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
* Chuck Norris Once sold eBay to eBay on eBay.
* Chuck Norris once visited the Bermuda Triangle. No one has heard from the Triangle
* Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
* Chuck Norris doesn't age because time can't keep up with him.
* Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
* Chuck Norris healed Jesus.
* Chuck Norris caged the kraken.
* Chuck Norris turned Medusa to stone.
* Chuck Norris cured cancer.